How is it, Lord that it seems like we never run out of heart issues to deal with? My one heart, the physical size of which is just the size of my fist, seems to have inner space as vast as the universe that contains billions of stars-- even galaxies!Yesterday, I got to thinking that probably each time I cry (I cried myself to sleep last night), the chemical make up of my tears is different each time, depending on all the mixed emotions that I am feeling. There are tears of joy, tears of frustration, tears of anger, tears of grief... Who in the world can read tears as accurately as You?! And for all the billions of people in the earth who shed tears, how can you bother with each one, collecting them in a bottle-- each tear holding it's own "finger print?" What is man that you are mindful of him? What is man to You, the Sovereign, Almighty, Creator God, that he moves You to that one goal of one day wiping away every tear from his eyes for good? When we, humans don't bother to ease the pain that we have inflicted on each other, You come to embrace us and intercede for us with Your holy tears from Your most holy affections for us... and with Your sweat that fell like drops of blood in the Garden of Gethsemane.
The fact still remains that You became like us, humans and therefore, I can safely conclude that you are not one who will minimise my pain. You will not mock me, belittle me, or urge me to "suck it up," or to "snap out of it."
Lord, I remember back in China whenever I felt overwhelmed, I would run to the "boathouse" for a personal prayer retreat. The first thing I would do was pull a chair to face the couch and I would lie there on the couch and cry my eyes out. I always felt like you were sitting right there on that empty chair, inviting me to release whatever negative emotions I needed to get rid of. And You never said a thing but would just let me cry for an hour or so or however long it takes to get it all out of my system. And apparently, that is all I need-- to be able to cry in Your presence. Not only are You safe... but You are engaged with my heart, even in Your silence. You don't fiddle or tune out or look at Your watch or fall asleep. You sit watching and waiting and feeling the storm of my emotions -- the fury of the wind and the waves lashing around me until I cry out, "Lord, don't You care that I'm drowning?!" And it's then that You stretch Your hand and speak, "Peace be still!" to my emotional storm.
